he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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