my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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