Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize