It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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