so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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