I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
