Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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