Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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