I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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