Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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