He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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