Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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