I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
