I bet he comes in French.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
