i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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