and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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