also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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