HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
