the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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