When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize