I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
