I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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