Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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