Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
