Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
