wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
