If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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