you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
