I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
