Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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