Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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