Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
