He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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