My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
