Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
