I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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