I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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