...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
