Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
