Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's shark week go big or go home
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
