Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
