Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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