i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
