the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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