You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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