Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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