How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
