its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
