I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize