so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
