How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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