ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.