you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
birth control should be required to get into college
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
