I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
