Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
