You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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