I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
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i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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