I smell stomach acid.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
