so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
