I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
