the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize