And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
