I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
