And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
