You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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