Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
