You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
