He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
