We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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